How to Say "YES" When You
by Dianne Ruth, PhD
I remember a time when I
really needed help with a project. I asked a friend to
give me a hand. She coldly retorted, "Sorry but I can't.
I have other plans."
When she said that, my
emotions spiraled right down into my toes. I felt
defeated, hurt and rejected. Obviously, I was not
important or special enough for her to change or
postpone her plans so she could help me out of an urgent
Think of a memory when you
sought assistance from someone and they flatly refused,
telling you "no" while using, what felt like some lame
excuse. It didn't feel good; it felt bad, didn't it?
We are often told by experts
that we have to learn how to say "no" to people who want
too much from us.
Usually we give in and agree
to do something for someone simply because we really are
a nice person, and don't want to hurt the other person's
feelings. As a result, we become overloaded and
overwhelmed with stress.
What's the answer? Say "yes"
and place a condition on your response. Here are some
examples. Your child wants to go play video games with a
Instead of responding, "No
way. Your room is a mess and needs to be cleaned up,"
which causes your child to feel hurt and angry. Answer
instead, "Yes, you can go, as soon as you clean up your
A demanding co-worker orders
you to go down the street and get him a large latte. You
reply, "I would be happy to, as soon as I get this stack
of work done for my boss."
An acquaintance wants to
borrow your car to impress a date. You tell him, "Sure,
as soon as I get it tuned up and my tires replaced."
Suggest to the requesting
person that you meet over coffee and talk about other
options besides depending on you to help get their needs
Maybe they do know someone
else who could help them out, or there is an agency they
could appeal to, or by changing their approach or
timing, they could manage just fine without any help!
By Dianne Ruth, PhD
Doctor of Clinical & Counseling Psychology
Anxiety/Depression Care Coach & Alternative/Holistic Counselor
About the Author
Board Certified Expert in
Advanced Hypnosis and Neurolinguistic Progrmming (NLP)
and Master Level Board Certified Communicator with
Internationally Recognized Credentials, Dr. Dianne Ruth
can legitimately boast a 97% Success Rate.
She has coached thousands of
clients over the past 37+ years, enriching the success
of multi-millionaires and financially strapped students.
Dr. Ruth's private phone
practice specializes in short-term, drug-free anxiety
and depression recovery. She does this with
international, national and local clients by phone with
For inquires and a Free
Personal and Confidential Consultation, call Dr. Dianne
Ruth at (619) 961-7500.
According to the
National Institute of Mental Health, psychotherapy only has a 20% success
I have a 97%
success rate, and over 37 years experience.
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